Title is a bit much so let me explain.
The world has all kinds of terrible things that the individual can do basically nothing about. Luckily, for most of us it has no direct impact and we are able to ignore the painful reality. But what if you were in a situation where it did impact you? In a way that is part of your everyday. What if for years you are struggling with the internal conflict of “there is nothing I can do about it” and “I can’t continue like this”?
As for the drugs, I specifically mean weed and specifically for the days where I find it too hard to ignore. I find myself thinking that if I get high I will have an easier time ignoring the pain and doing something good like cleaning or working.
Notes:
- Don’t bother with telling me that even the individual has the power to make great changes, I believe it and I’m doing my best, but I am also aware of the fact that this situation will not be changed in my lifetime probably.
- I’m not suicidal, I don’t harm myself and while I can tell that lately I have been using weed too much, I don’t think I am abusing it. I’m logging my usage and I review it weekly, If it get’s out of hand I will know (I think)
- I’m mostly asking about using external stimulation as a form of escapism
- Yes, I need therapy, sadly it is expensive. Yes I am looking for options.
The basic thing is this:
You cannot turn emotions off. They always come back.
Anything an individual can do to try and suppress emotions, it never works. Whether it be telling yourself you have no emotions and trying to become a machine, or using drugs, the emotions are still there.
This leads to a negative cycle where you manage to suppress emotions for a time, but then they come back worse, and you double down on your suppression efforts.
On top of that you are making the underlying issue actually worse.
The only long term solution is to make peace with it. It is possible. There are even Mengele experiment survivors that forgave Mengele.