I’m a software engineer, The conditions of my job are actually pretty sweet: I get to work remote from a medium CoL city, I get paid well, my schedule is flexible so I don’t have to be chained to my desk all day. The stuff I code is pretty boring but it’s not the worst thing in the world.
The thing I can’t stand is my coworkers: so many people I’ve met in this industry are money-obsessed ladder-climbing yuppies. Some of my coworkers are honest to god land lords. I dread having conversations with anyone in project management. These people are territorial and become upset whenever they’re not included in some meeting. If one product manager gets added to a call, I hear about it from the other PMs. A good day for me is when I have 8 straight hours of coding to do and I don’t speak to a single soul at work.
I am not anti-social. I have worked at other companies where my coworkers were really cool and I enjoyed talking with them. I like to take my laptop and work at the dog park and talk to other people. Maybe it’s a regional thing? My coworkers are mostly in New York and my other jobs have all been in the South.
Unless you’re coding for yourself, you’re not going to escape PMs in any other org you would go to. Your situation is where soft skills come into play. Identify a PM you like, and route all your communication through them. If others want updates, point them to your chosen PM. If others want invites to meetings tell them “no problem, reach out to [favorite PM] to get added”. If Favorite PM doesn’t invite them to the meeting then its an argument between Favorite and the other person and you’re out of the loop.
The best engineers aren’t just good at their technology, but also communicating with others effectively.