“Who is the first buyer?” one of the reporters asked.

“Me,” Trump quipped.

“The second?” the reporter pushed on.

“I don’t know, but I’m the first buyer. It’ll be out in … less than two weeks. Pretty exciting, right?” the president asked.

First of all, why would he be the first buyer of an express residency card when he’s already a citizen? Fucking moron.

Second, “it’s happening in two weeks” is Trumpspeak for “it’s literally never going to happen.”