Title is a bit much so let me explain.
The world has all kinds of terrible things that the individual can do basically nothing about. Luckily, for most of us it has no direct impact and we are able to ignore the painful reality. But what if you were in a situation where it did impact you? In a way that is part of your everyday. What if for years you are struggling with the internal conflict of “there is nothing I can do about it” and “I can’t continue like this”?
As for the drugs, I specifically mean weed and specifically for the days where I find it too hard to ignore. I find myself thinking that if I get high I will have an easier time ignoring the pain and doing something good like cleaning or working.
Notes:
- Don’t bother with telling me that even the individual has the power to make great changes, I believe it and I’m doing my best, but I am also aware of the fact that this situation will not be changed in my lifetime probably.
- I’m not suicidal, I don’t harm myself and while I can tell that lately I have been using weed too much, I don’t think I am abusing it. I’m logging my usage and I review it weekly, If it get’s out of hand I will know (I think)
- I’m mostly asking about using external stimulation as a form of escapism
- Yes, I need therapy, sadly it is expensive. Yes I am looking for options.
Op, please read this.
A long time ago, I went through this. The details don’t matter so much because our situations aren’t the same. But I fell deep into addiction for a few years because I was dealing with several issues - some of which I’ve always dealt with and will continue to do so, others were temporary.
I still have to face the problems I did before, but now I have the occasional craving. Before, I would lie in bed or sleep if I was going through a depressive episode for a few weeks / months. Now, I want to burn my savings until I black out or can’t remember why I started. Now, I get cravings if I use any kind of nasal spray. Now, I will dream of being high and will have cravings for the rest of the week.
If you can’t change what you’re going through, and you know you’ll be dealing with it in the future, then why would you add more problems for your future self? The drugs I did were amazing until I came down, and they changed me. Some of the changes made me a better person due to the struggles and inconsistent clarity they presented, but some of the changes just made my suffering worse. Drugs will give you relief while you’re high. But all things come to an end, be it the high or your life. Practice safety, use testers, and research everything.
Do you think that addiction is inevitable? Is it impossible to use drugs as a form of emotional pain management while keeping an eye on any possible addictions?
No. As with all things in life, there’s nuance. Your body is different than mine. While I don’t have an inherently addictive physiology, I quickly went from practicing moderation to using everyday, to quite literally never being truly sober. And I stopped myself a few times in the beginning - I knew I was slipping, and I held myself accountable and would be better for a time. Until eventually I forgot or was too apathetic, I can’t remember honestly
Are there signs you would say to look for? Things that should make me stop and re-evaluate?
Op take a look at your other habits big and small with special attention offered to contemplating how compulsive they are / what triggers a craving etc.
If you want a good read related to the area dopamine nation has a mix of thoughtful interpretation and some valuable anecdotal experience for reference!
I would go back and tell myself not to sacrifice certain things just to be high for the day. Don’t change the positive things in your life. You should always know you control a substance, don’t allow the drug to let you think you’re in control. When you start to think you have do something high that you wouldn’t if you were sober (e.g. hanging out with friends, spending the day with family, watching a movie, etc,) then that’s when you’re in very dangerous territory.
Thank you