There is this girl I have been talking to for a time. I like her, and we also share some common ground. Recently she told how she is struggling very much with anxiety.
She’s worried people dislike her, worried about people only pretending to be her friend, people slowly losing interest. She is without exaggeration suicidal about it. More over I overheard her saying she hates people who are only interest in sex.
And here is the damned kicker, I am only interest in having sex with her. Normally when people talk about how they dislike people only interested in sex, I take that as my cue to leave. It’s totally fine they feel this way, but it also means we’re not compatible. However seeing how this girl is damn near suicidal about people pretending to like her, I’m not sure what to do.
If she’s not into one night stands that’s fine but that does mean I’m walking (I’m also not interested in any friendship). But I don’t want her to kill herself over it either.
I mean, you gotta make bread somehow… This is the only way I know how. I show interest in the person and see if they like me back. If they don’t, I leave it at that. I will concur it might be difficult for the other party to distinguish my intentions.
But I will be honest with her. I will encourage her to seek help and tell her how I feel about us.
That is called manipulation not making bread.
No, it is not. I have never cajoled nor coaxed her to do anything. I never vowed for any long term relationship, platonic or otherwise. I simply have amicable talks with her in the hopes it might kindle a spark. And clearly it has not, so I’m moving on.
Perfectly valid, not cowardly behavior.
No. No the only reason it would be difficult is because you aren’t upfront about it. Cowardly behavior to service a vice.
Alternatively, if someone wanted a specific kind of relationship, shouldn’t they say so before sex? I don’t assume anything about a relationship until we’ve known each other for long enough to discuss it.
I mean yeah, if someone tells me they want to get married some day and I fuck them anyway, that’s a dick move. But again, assuming anything about someone’s intentions without talking about it is just shitty communication.
Well, one may view reservation as cowardice. The other may view it as sensible. Given how it’s at odds with looking like a creep.
By the by, this sentence is brilliant, very nice turn of phrase. I’m keeping this one.
Not sure if you’re serious - but thank you, if you are.
That being said, there’s a difference between reservation and lying.
If you’re ‘reserved’ and plan on telling them before you have sex with them, ok - I can acknowledge that that isn’t cowardly.
If the two of you fuck and then you tell them you’re only interested in sex - that’s cowardly and manipulative behavior.
I honest am, I appreciate well written English.
Yes, I do always tell them before hand. But usually I wait for that until things start to get serious. However I’ll probably have to tell her sooner rather than later.
Sorry for butting in, but you wait “until things get serious” to tell people you’re into them just for the sex? I really want to give you the benefit of doubt because you’ve been respectful and articulate so far, but do you honestly not see the problem here? Why not just use Tinder for hookups?
I think that this may be a miscommunication, I think that what they mean by ‘get serious’ is that relationship has progressed to the point where having sex is all but guaranteed.
At least that’s how I’m reading it.