Like usually every minute I’d quickly look around to make sure there aren’t weirdos following me.
For context: I’m a young-adult male, but I don’t exactly have training in martial arts or anything, so I’m every time I see anyone that looks “tough” I don’t feel safe.
When I was a kid, my parents told me the usual “stranger danger” talk. Also in movies and tv, there are usualy a lot of plot involving peoppe getting followed, and the victim never looks back. In crime stories, and in the news, people usually become a victim if a bad person follows them home.
So when I went to school as a kid/teen, I’d always be scanning my surroundings like very often, especially when nearing home, I’d be like looking around every 20 seconds to see if there’s weirdos following.
Even as a young adult, I kinda still have this instinct. I mean, we hear about crime everywhere. I don’t exactly live in a “slum”, but I live in a big city, and more people generally means more crime, and statistically, crime is sort of an issue where I live, I mean, it’a a city, you know how it is. This is in the US btw.
I don’t carry a gun, don’t wanna have intrusive thoughts about killing myself so I don’t want that, so I carry pepper spray just in case.
I mean, I’m probably not gonna change my behavior, I think its good to be cautious, this question is just me trying to see if there’s anyone else out there think thinks like me.
As a woman, yes, especially at night, because I value my life.
Yes. Always. I even make sure I’m listening to audio books so I can hear.
Nope. I always have a weapon on me (stun gun usually), and that makes me feel more secure.
You’re not cautious, you’re paranoid and fearful to the point it’s a bit concerning for your mental health (although the suicidal ideation tells me the whole situation is more than just a bit concerning). You know this ain’t normal, you know that’s not how people are meant to live their lives, you know this cannot continue for long before you either snap at/hurt someone who didn’t mean any harm or your mind breaks.
I know living in the USA cannot help your mental stability but it’s not a favela, it really ain’t that dangerous. Maybe moving to a smaller city or a town would work? Sometimes it’s easier to change our circumstances than to change ourselves, and sometimes the former allows the letter as well.
He isn’t paranoid and fearful. He just accidently created a benign habit.
Benign? The man cannot be outside without being in constant fear!
Depends? Shady part of the city, late night, slightly drunk and alone? Absolutely. Going for lunch in a nic small town? Absolutely not. The street sign I run into would probably tell me it’s sorry.
So, yeah, depends on the situation. I’ve had most negative interactions either in crowds or at places like train stations, so that is where I am most paranoid
Did you ever find anyone was following you? Or ever heard of a friend who was followed?
It surely happens but so do meteorite impacts and such cases make news because they’re special. If it’s not showing up in regional statistics (the nearest couple million people or so) and you don’t even know a friend of a friend for whom checking would have been useful, I’d say it’s unnecessary in the place where you are
I use reflective surfaces (cars, windows, signs etc…) for that purpose, no need to turn around and look suspicious
Being aware of your surroundings, regardless of a “safe” or “dangerous” place is just street smarts. However, you may not realize that looking around every minute makes you look scared and people who want to victimize you will catch on to that fear and target you. And other people, that are not trying to harm you, will think there is something wrong with you and avoid you as the “danger stranger”. I would suggest being more calm, use your ears as well as your eyes, and look a little less often. “Blend in” is the safe way to move through an area.
Nope. Grew up in a pretty rough town and you kinda know a lot of the undesirables. I’ve been alive for over 40 years and only once confronted in the street.
I’ll take walks home in the early hours of the morning (02:00) through very dark secluded areas.
Now if there was a pattern of people being attacked here, then I’d be taking a different route but I tend not to worry about things like this as it’s incredibly rare and the stress of worrying probably does more damage to your health than a would be attacker.
Edit: Have an example from a few days ago. Me and a couple of friends went for a smoke and a walk through a Forrest in pitch black with a flash light and I was more concerned with the bugs getting in my sliders than being murdered 😂.
As a woman, constantly
As a woman, you should.
You shouldn’t have to, either.
Nah save your energy. You’ll almost certainly know your rapist and it’ll be in private.
Statistically, yes. 90% known means that 1 in 10 rapes are by strangers.
I would not play Russian Roulette even if the revolver had 10 cylinders.
Nah. Freaking out over low risk events is called anxiety.
Very very few people are just raped on the street.
As a big, scary-looking dude, I hate going out in public because I know I freak solitary women out. I feel like I should wear a shirt that says “I apologize for being here,” or something. I’m sorry the world is this way. Y’all deserve peace and security.
Is there anything people like me can do to assure those around us that we are not the ones to fear? Like, is there a tattoo I can get or a hat I can wear or something? I wish rapers and miscreants had a distinctive look that us regular folk could avoid.
Of course, I currently look like Harry Henderson with a septum piercing, so I guess probably a shave could help, but I really like my beard. It’s my security blankie :-[
You may not be black, but I think this still applies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYhXXRXiJBU
Damn, that’s good 😆
The “alt” style helps a lot, actually (ime). I trust metal head-looking dudes over frat boy-looking dudes 1000% but that’s anecdotal
Honestly nail polish too. Cis men are usually too afraid to wear any, so when they do it’s often a good sign. Bonus points if it isn’t black
Hell yeah, nice. That makes me feel a little better.
I usually make a point to take off my hood if I have one on, and generally lift my head and maybe give them a nod/smile, or otherwise indicate that “I’ve seen you, and I’m letting you see my face clearly”. If we’re alone in a dark, empty place at night, I’ll also make a point to cross the street away from them.
I’ve talked to some women about how they prefer men to act, and they generally said they think what I do is decent. Of course, that’s reliant on the whole “make eye-contact, nod, smile, and wave”-thing being done in a disarming and “I’m friendly and I see you, and I’m going to mind my own business”-way, and not a creepy way.
Just ignore us. Consistent eye contact, staring, or obviously paying a lot of unwarranted attention to us is way more threatening than just being big or burly.
So you mean I have to act like a normal human being? Fuck. I’m too curious and autistic for that. Are you sure there’s not a hat I can wear?
There’s a hat for the opposite of this. This isn’t fair.
(Mostly joking)
Spacial awareness is good to have no matter who you are or what your situation is. What’s not good is being constantly worried or paranoid.
I look for lots of things. Who’s in the area, what’s in the area and what are different ways to get out if I need to. But I’m not specifically on the lookout for weirdos, as in, I’m constantly worried they’ll be there or anything. If I notice someone sus I keep tabs on them until I don’t think it’s a threat.
One night I was out walking my dog, who was still under a year old (he was already a big dog though), and a guy is walking in the opposite direction. I see him coming but he’s got a hoodie on and pulled up over his head, ducked in a way that I can’t see his face. My radar didn’t go off, but I made sure to watch him out of the corner of my eye as we passed each other. Then, he turns and heads straight for me.
So, I turned towards him and put my hands up. I couldn’t outrun him with my dog, and I figured once I started making a commotion my dog might help out.
It turned out to be my (now-ex) fiance playing a trick on me, seeing what I would do. Once he saw me square up he threw back his hood and gave me a lecture on how I should have ran.Fucking asshole behavior, but I guess now I know what I’d do in that situation.
Anyway, no one’s ever done that to me since, but I still keep my wits about me. I also don’t think I’m constantly going to be followed by creepers either.
I do it subconsciously, 100% of the time. I’m always aware of potential threats.
Also, this is what I hate most about open work spaces. It’s hard to stay focused while also feeling very vulnerable.
If you’re so aware then how did I get inside of your weighted blanket?
…or are you?
What evidence do you have that there is crime in your neighborhood, have you seen any firsthand? How well do you know your neighbours and wider community, are they concerned about any threats? Worrying about something like this is not healthy. I can’t imagine living somewhere I need to continually look over my shoulder.
we hear about crime everywhere.
Worth noting that although concern about crime in the US has risen over time, the actual rate of violent crime has fallen dramatically over the past few decades. As in the overall violent crime rate fell 49% between 1993 and 2022.
I’m not telling you whether your level of concern is appropriate or not, that’s up to you and may vary with circumstances that I don’t know. But generally speaking I think it’s safe to say that levels of concern in the US don’t line up very well with the things that the concern is about. Might be worth investigating for yourself and perhaps calibrating your expectations a bit.
I’m 99% of the time completely oblivious. There is absolutely no reason anyone would take any interest in me. I’m a completely nondescript guy and I’m almost never in shady areas. I’m either in a parking lot or a suburb or very public walking trails through the city. I always walk like I have a purpose. There’s no reason anyone would even look twice at me and if they did there’s almost always a bright, public place in full view a few steps away.
The only exception is when I’m walking some trails with my daughter. She is a little more independent and confident than I’d like. She is just fucking certain of anyone messed with her she’d fuck them up. Maybe. But I’d prefer a little more caution. So I keep an eye on things for her. It’s not like it would be completely impossible to disappear someone from the city trails. I’m not worth the effort, but she could be.
On the contrary, on the road I’m always hyper aware. I always know who is in front of me, behind me, beside me. I always have an escape plan if there’s a blowout or debris in the road ahead of me. I know who is a cop and who they are looking at.
Not sure why it’s such a night and day difference, I just can’t conceive of being in any personal danger when I’m walking around. Years ago, I took a stroll through downtown Bangkok at 3 in the morning. I probably wasn’t as safe as I felt, but I felt pretty safe. I picked up on some shady shit in a nightclub there, but I’ll never know if that was danger or paranoia. I definitely didn’t leave my drink unattended. Didn’t occur to look behind me after I left, but I wasn’t alone and my attention was focused on her.
