What was it about? Did you admit you were wrong or adamantly insist on your point? How did your interlocutor react? How would you like someone to react if you concede errors?
I almost always immediately admit that I am wrong, if I notice it. I do it often.
“You are right, I didn’t consider x”.
Why the hell would I insist on being right? It serves no purpose. It also just makes me seem like an unlikable idiot.
People always react positively, and it makes constructive discussions possible. They now know that I am a reasonable rational person. They also know that I have good intentions. This makes it possible for me to convince them in the future as well. Everybody benefits.
On several occasions, it has hit me like a truck and I’ve instantly reversed my thinking. For this reason, I am open to listening genuinely to other sides, so long as they are not intolerant. But I’m a petty bitch, so I still have strong opinions until they get flipped.
Have you ever written a proof, only to disproof your original statement in the end?
Yes.
I used to be very wrong about trans people until I talked to a trans person for about 3 minutes
When I realized it had nothing to do with sexualization and all about identity I stopped, apologized and asked a bunch of questions
My interlocutor kind of didn’t know how to handle it and it took a moment for them to defuse, as I’m sure they were expecting shouting or worse. After that we had a real meaningful conversation that gave me a lot to think about.
That’s exactly the outcome we need in the world. Thank you for sharing this.
Yes.
I used to be very anti-gay because I was raised religious. One day, someone explained to me that gay people feel exactly the same feelings as straight people, it’s just they’re directed differently. Somehow, that made it all click and it just made sense.
I’m glad that age has given me the comfort to tell people when I just don’t know, and therefore, don’t have an opinion on some things.
I’m glad that age has given me the comfort to tell people when I just don’t know, and therefore, don’t have an opinion on some things.
Yeah it certainly seems to me that as people get older they tend to have fewer shits to give in general. What’s funny about it, is that while that sounds like a bad thing, it’s often a pretty good thing. It means people are more confident, confident enough to show humility, and to say what they actually think.
That’s very interesting, thanks for sharing. If you don’t mind me asking, was there an argument you had with this person or was it rather an explain situation? Did you know each other well?
We came to be good friends but were just Internet friends at the time. They were just a very patient person.
At this point in my life, I’m extremely comfortable admitting when I’m wrong. It earns credibility.
The ability to point out my own mistakes has maybe done the best for my career, long-term.
Yes, it’s a superpower.
that’s what they’re supposed to be for
Not like wrong wrong, most of my big realisations happen by myself. I consider recognising others points and being willing to modify my ideas when appropriate an invaluable cognitive skill. It’s more difficult sometimes than others, but I’m not going to end up as a closed minded old man at least.
One where I realized I was wrong three times. My wife and I had visited a modern art museum. One of the installations was a pile of candy in the corner. We got home, I said it’s ridiculous to call that art, and ridiculous to fund artists to create lazy, self-indulgent nonsense. She convinced me that I am in no position to arbitrate what is or isn’t art (she is right, of course). Then I realized she wasn’t arguing about art, she was upset about something that had happened at work (that was my second miss).
Twenty years later I found out what that candy is all about. It was a piece by Felix Gonzalez Torres called “Untitled (Portrait of Ross in LA) 1991” It is 175 lbs of candy that patrons are free to take. It represents his lover, Ross Laycock, who had wasted away from AIDS earlier that year (Gonzalez Torres would die from AIDS six years later). So long as there is funding for the arts, Ross is replenished endlessly. For the third miss, I was Oedipean-level wrong.
So long as there is funding for the arts, Ross is replenished endlessly.
Holy shit. What a direct and quantivative comparison to the power of memories to keep the spirit of our loved ones alive through giving (in my family’s case, stories; did I enter tell you of the time when my uncle met Loretta Swit?) of ourselves and sharing them with others.
Huh. I’m no judge of art, being a low-born oaf, but in retrospect that is clearly art; and evocative as fuck.
Oh fuck, “so long as there is funding for the arts,” seems very precarious right now.
I’ve had it happen before but I can’t think of any specific examples.
My reaction to it however has evolved over time. When I was younger I’d be way more embarrassed over it and just stop debating, accepting defeat at the next opportunity, only to shrink away in shame.
Nowadays though, I’ll still be embarrassed, but immediately admit fault, laugh at my stupidity and issue any necessary retraction. People are usually disarmed when you can admit you were wrong and they were right. Even more if you throw a little joke about being dumb or something in there.
Yeah, I think everyone has. Unless they are astoundingly arrogant.
If people were never extraordinarily wrong about things, we’d have nothing to argue about on the Internet. What a blessing!
I guess the question is how often do you realize that you’re actually on the wrong side of that argument, it definitely happens. And then what do you do next? Dig your heels in, double down and keep arguing? Or acknowledge the realization, make a concession or even apology?
Evidently, it can be hard to be a decent person (hard for all of us), when anonymity means there are no personal consequences to being a dick.
I have never had this happen because I have never made a mistake once /s
Yes. My partner at the time had brought something up and I started to disagree.
Mid retort I realized I was speaking from my shitty upbringing again, paused to mull that over, and then rejected my own retort right there in front of her.
It’s not often anymore, but I’m still surprised by the occasional stupid idea put into my head by religious indoctrination as a know nothing child that I have to deprogram from even decades later.
How did your interlocutor react?
She values my ability to self reflect on the spot like that, so she reacted with love.
How would you like someone to react if you concede errors?
Without malice.
Several times! And not necessarily wrong, but missing a perspective that changes my opinion. That’s how we learn and grow. It’s also why you and more people should read books.
Oh yeah. Happens to me not infrequently, though less as I get older and choose my battles more wisely.
On my best days, I apologize and bow out of the discussion. On my worst days, I just ghost the entire thread.
Choosing your battles wisely seems to be good advice. I think it’s a good quality, if people can concede if they were wrong. I hsbe the impression that being wrong is too often sanctioned or frowned upon, whereas a more accepting, forgiving stance might make it easier for people to admit their errors.
